I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize