Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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