i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
