atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize