i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
