Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
