you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
