Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
do herpes really smell.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
