STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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