White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
