Well douche your snatch and let's go!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
