apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
