sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
