I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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