i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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