I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize