But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
