you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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