All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
foreskin is a definite game changer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
