We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
