I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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