This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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