On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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