I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
