she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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