Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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