Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I will pee on everything he values.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
