This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
