Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
