Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
