i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
