she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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