We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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