You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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