My first STD was from a foam party
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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