no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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