Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
