just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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