Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
