I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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