I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize