it was like eating out sand paper
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
