remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
