i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
