I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
