I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
