if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
