Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
