just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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