My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Shame is for Republicans.
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