He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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