my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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