I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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