Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
