so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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