The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize