bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
