the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
