So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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