I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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