Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
