ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
