His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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